In this week’s blog post, I want to touch on the topic of misogyny and how it has manifested itself in my life and my business. I will go over some isolated experiences that have been out of the ordinary and some of the ways I have had to deal with such ignorance. While I was not actively participating in the #metoo movement, I was silently battling to cope with hate against me, my son and my business.
If you are new to my blog, welcome. My name is Tiffany Simpson and I am a parenting coach, teen life coach and Super Mom to a 12 year old animation developer with autism. My journey as Super Mom began after my son was diagnosed with autism. It was during this challenge that I taught myself to create computer games and mobile apps to help my son overcome challenges with his speech and social skills. The results were amazing. Today, my son is 12 years old and has is own business teaching animation development. If you would like to learn more about my journey, please visit my about page.
With the skills I have acquired in helping my son, I have created several educational software and mobile apps. I have created G.A.M.E. Prep (Global Apps for Mobile Examination Prep), where we create computer games and mobile apps to help students prepare for standardized exams. Some of the programs include games to help students prepare for the Belize PSE, CSEC CXC and BJAT Exam. I have also developed the Read With Me Club, Caribbean Maths Club . Coming from the small country of Belize and pioneering the technology industry across the Caribbean, brought some unwanted attention.
Success Brings (Man-Made) Problems
Disclaimer: Some aspects of this narrative have been modified to conceal the identity of persons involved.
It started some time in 2015. I got a phone call from a guy who needed a mobile app developed for a gambling business he owned. Well at least that was what he wanted me to believe. I did not know him. I only knew of his family and they hold prominent career positions in society.
After a couple of meetings, we decided on a workflow for the mobile app. He asked me how much it would cost to create the app and I told him. He was not able to pay the full deposit, but it was close to the figure I had asked him for.
So I started to create a working demo for the app. Once I had finished, we met once more and he was excited about the job. Then things took a dark turn. He asked me to meet him at a friend’s house (another “prominent” member of society). In fact, this friend served as an ICT consultant in the UK army. That is neither here, nor there in the mobile app development business. But unknowing to me, I was meeting the second arm of the three musketeers who had appointed themselves the leaders in the tech field and had carefully designed a plot to undermine my credibility and success in the industry.
The atmosphere turned sour when the first musketeer got on the phone with some random computer guy to discuss details that I had shared with him about how the mobile app would function given new details that he added over night. Every other word was “f*cking this” and f*cking that”. And I started to think that he might need to get random computer guy to build his app and leave me out of the equation.
After he got off the phone with random computer guy, I was busy setting up my eCommerce store. I thought I would use the free time to get some of my own work done. He seemed considerably annoyed that I was not unhinged by what random computer guy said about the workflow I had proposed, as he had him on speaker phone.
Then of course, there was that invitation to meet him at his friend’s house (the second musketeer), whose house was very big and fancy. None of which was my business, but this is how “suggestions” are made by broken men. It often starts off with high praises, followed by degradation, while they flash their financial assets with the hopes that you will start questioning your own self-worth and look to them for constant approval. And of course… security (financial and otherwise)!
I Did Not Qualify
One of the major reasons these men sought me out is because in the eyes of society, I am a good mother to my son. Something these men do not believe genuinely exists. These men have all been abused by women. Whether it was a mother, sister, spouse or ex-girlfriend, they have suffered. Unable to voice their abuse they have learned to use existing social instruments to gain support for their misogyny.
In my case, there were several factors (instruments), which when measured by society’s standards, made it “impossible” for me to qualify as a likely participant in the technology industry. These included, but are not limited to:
- Being a woman
- Being a black woman
- Being a black single mother
- Being a black single mother raising a son with autism
- Having no background in the technology field
- Being completely self taught
Now these are the same people, who would encourage any woman in my position, not to be defined by her circumstances. They would stand on their imaginary soap boxes and use their office or portfolio to offer words of encouragement to “women who are marginalized”. What is funny though, is when you are not defined by those circumstances, you are then deemed a potential fraud. But the kind that threatens them, to the point that they will spare no expense to destroy you. And boy they set out to discover the truth about Tiffany Simpson… or make it up if they had to, but I was about to be “exposed/destroyed”. Well at least that was the intent.
The Mother Complex
It was clear that this was going to be the mother of all attacks. Literally! The first musketeer lives at home with his mom, who verbally abuses him and depends on him to run her errands. However, he is still that guy who would send veiled threats when he cannot have his own way. Then there is the second musketeer, who uses his influence as a UK army vet and impressive portfolio, to garner support from other misogynous males for their hate. After taking a look at the second musketeer’s Facebook wall, it was clear that he did not have the best relationships with the women around him.
They speak of transparency and justice. But what they really do, is spy on you, not in an effort to uncover some truths, but rather to look for gaps where they can setup road blocks to undermine your business and even your mental health. This is in an effort to direct the narrative of your life, to ensure that they are always right about the people they hate. And maintain support of those who (in most cases are ignorant to their true agenda). They will continue to carry out their hate crimes by using existing social prejudices as a way to gain supporters and foot soldiers to carry out their agenda.
Back to the Story
After shifting the goal post several times for the project we had decided on, the first musketeer expressed his dissatisfaction with my performance on the project and proceeded to take me to court to re-cap his deposit. he had initially asked me to create a mobile app. Then tried to shift to get me to create a logo, which was a different price and field of work. I felt somewhat disgruntled, not because of what had happened, but how carefully it was engineered to undermine my credibility. It was a setup from the get go…
After the case had ended, I did not see any of the musketeers. But had a brief run in with a few of their minions. The attacks had subsided for some time, as the musketeers are careful to maintain their distance in an effort to hide interest in future attacks.
One of the things I find most interesting about misogyny is that most women (subconsciously) conform to it and are often times the driving force of the hatred. There is this saying that women are their own worst enemies. But I don’t believe that. These women are simply reflecting the misogynous men in their life. They are ensuring that every other woman suffers in the same way she has. Often times by the same men who attacked and abused them until they break. Every other woman needs to learn the pain of their success, otherwise it is not real. The behavior lends the idea that promotion can only come from a man. But the truth of “their success” is that it only came after they were broken by that man.
For that reason, the women who stand beside misogynous men are overly protective of these ideologies and maintain them like a religion. This is the life line of their status, less they find themselves being discarded by these men.
Leveraging My Feminine Assets (NO… Not those ones)
One of the things that was very unique about my journey as a tech entrepreneur, is that it stemmed from a solution I had created for my son, who has autism. Once things got a little out of hand, I started to home-school my son. It was one of the best decisions I have made. His curriculum was designed around his needs and talents. His gifts began to grow… and with it, so did business. My son started to create tutorials for children. I used this motherly technique to quickly penetrate the market as I had no “background” or “experience” otherwise.
But as luck would have it, that did not go well with the musketeers, who had yet to make good on their first attempt to undermine my credibility and unseat me as the pioneer of the technology industry in the Caribbean region. In the eyes of their supporters, they only looked jealous and envious.
I cannot go into too much details at this time about the nature of the abuse endured by many of these same women who are themselves victims of misogyny. But I can tell you that what has been a saving grace in my business was creating a business selling digital products online.
It allows me the freedom to limit my interaction with people and strategize how I would engage them if I needed to. While no one deserves to be treated in this way, it is important that you are able to put something in place, to protect yourself and to minimize lost and maintain financial stability.
If you would like to learn more about how I have created a business building and selling my own digital products, then check out my guide the Digital Cash Evolution. This guide includes:
- A 75 page PDF book in which I outline the steps I have taken to create my digital empire. This guide covers my marketing technique as well.
- The How to Launch A Digital Product Checklist
- My coveted resource cheat sheet which outlines the services I use to ensure the highest quality and best output
- And visual mind map to help you visualize the end goal.
This is the ultimate guide to help you get started on your journey to developing a business that gives you the greatest control and freedom.
Thanks for stopping by. I know that misogyny is a very sensitive topic. But for those of you ladies who are currently coping with misogyny and feel the need to share, please let me know in the comments below. Thanks again. Talk to you next week.